On the east side of San Jose, California, there’s an abuela who seems to have more grandchildren than she can count.
“A lot of people see me and hug me,” Mardonia Galeana, 89, said in Spanish. “I don’t even know them, but sometimes they ask me for a blessing on the street and I do my best in front of them.”
Her likeness has been featured in a painting at the San Jose Museum of Art and a mural in the city’s mission district. But it is her online presence that has captivated the thousands of people who have come across the photos and videos posted by her grandson Yosimar Reyes.
“Seeing your Abuela smiling and having a good time really warms my heart,” one user commented under a video of Ms. Galeana enjoying herself at a senior center while others danced to a piece by merengue singer Elvis Crespo.
Mr Reyes chronicles moments from his grandmother’s life on a private Instagram account followed by more than 21,000 people. His posts show a trip they took to New Orleans, walks with his dog, Chulito, around the San Jose flea market and occasional doctor visits.
Although Mr. Reyes calls himself Ms. Galeana’s “personal stylist,” he is first and foremost her caregiver — driving her to her appointments, managing her medications, making sure she has a roof over her head.
“I’m proud of the fact that I care for and dress my grandmother,” said Mr. Reiss, 35. “That he’s not going to be out here in a muumuu. Her nails are also cracked and it’s a big boost to her self-esteem.”
Francesca Falzarano, an assistant professor at the University of Southern California, Leonard Davis School of Gerontology, has a term for the growing number of people like Mr. Reyes who share behind-the-scenes observations about the daily reality of around-the-clock care. care for older loved ones.
“In my research lab, we call them ‘caregivers,'” Professor Falzarano said. “Social media is really the only way many of these people can access support, education and a sense of belonging.”
Mr. Reyes, a poet and artist, was raised by his grandparents and came to the United States with them from Guerrero, Mexico, in the early 1990s. “Even as a child, I was already a caregiver,” he said. “I had to translate documents and help my grandparents navigate this country because they were older and didn’t speak English.”
Mr. Reyes, who was named Santa Clara County Poet Laureate for 2024, said he has occasionally found himself overwhelmed since taking on the full role of caring for his grandmother during the Covid-19 pandemic.
“I’m trying to build a career as an artist and as a writer, but then I still have to go home and take care of someone,” said Mr. Reyes, who has described his experience as a caregiver in poems such as “Abuela Gets a Fever.” “Some days, I’m emotionally drained. And if she’s having a bad day, I have to make sure I’m not reactive.”
As the population ages, Mr. Reyes’ experience is likely to become more common. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the number of unpaid caregivers in the United States increased to about 53 million in 2020 from 43.5 million in 2015.
Chris Punsalan of Las Vegas, who became a caregiver for his grandmother Anicia Manipon eight years ago, shared his experiences with her on YouTube, Instagram and TikTok.
“I decided to document us because I felt it was important,” said Mr Punsalan, 30. “It’s not just for me to be able to look back, but I slowly realized that it was very helpful for people who have been through a somewhat similar situation.”
Mr Punsalan, who has over two million followers on TikTok, created content tending to his grandmother’s wounds, cooking her breakfast and sharing the products he uses to meet her needs. Since Ms. Manipon’s death in January, he realized his social media accounts did more than provide information and comfort to other family caregivers.
“During her funeral, my cousin said something that really moved me,” Mr Punsalan recalled. “She said, ‘Whenever I miss my grandmother, I have a library of videos to remember her by.’
Jacquelyn Revere, an aspiring television writer in Los Angeles, began posting about her experiences after becoming the primary caregiver for her mother and grandmother in 2016. She said she found solace while trying to help others in her position through social media and of people following her on TikTok grew to more than 650,000.
“When I posted my mum, I didn’t feel like I had to – it actually became fun,” said Ms Revere, 37. “Social media was so affirming of people saying, ‘You’re doing such a good job’ and it became a refuge.”
Ms. Revere’s grandmother died in 2017. Her mother died in 2022.
“A lot of my friends who are carers are people I’ve met on social media,” Ms Revere said. “We’ve really built a community that’s very tight-knit, because it’s hard to understand the weight of that role if you’ve never had it.”
While posting a video of me and grandma getting ready on TikTok can bring caregivers a sense of community, some viewers can’t shake the feeling that such content can be exploitative. Can a vulnerable older relative consent to appear on video when the person recording it is responsible for administering her medication?
“It’s so heartbreaking,” one user commented on a TikTok video of an elderly woman struggling to eat. “I wish you all had the decency to stop posting these messages.”
But according to Professor Falzarano, the gerontologist, the benefits of caregivers sharing their experiences outweigh the risks. “It’s really contributing to greater awareness and visibility of chronic disease in care,” he said.
Professor Falzarano, 32, whose research focuses on dementia, family care and technology for the elderly, also noted that while there are a variety of resources readily available for expectant parents, the same could not necessarily be said for those who they struggle with the end of LIFE.
“We all have this universal experience where we will need to provide care or need care at some point,” Professor Falzarano said. “Why don’t you start thinking about it now?”
Ms. Galeana, who will turn 90 in December, has not been able to return to the home in Mexico that she and her grandson left behind more than three decades ago. With no clear path to US citizenship, the two have built a forever home online.
“She’s big and she’s been through so much, from poverty in Mexico to everything we’ve been through in the United States,” Mr. Reyes said. “My goal now is to make sure she’s happy and not always talking about how sad her life has been. And people love her here and know her as abuelita. It’s beautiful.”
Whether it’s being recognized at the market or having flowers or care packages sent to her home by strangers who’ve met her online, she’s become a local celebrity.
“As a little girl, I wanted to be an artist,” Ms. Galeana said in Spanish. “I would dance and sing and I would like to be on the cinema screen. But it never happened.”
But later that week, after Mr. Reyes had done her hair and done her makeup, she was ready to star in a video that would be seen by thousands.
